Conquer Networking Anxiety: A Student’s Guide to Turning Anxiety into Advantage

You’ve spent years mastering exams, cramming formulas, and pulling all-nighters. But what about when it’s time to step out into the real world to build connections or sell your startup? You feel a wave of dread. During my first department mixer, I could only exchange two polite sentences before I blanked and told myself that I would get another opportunity to do better. As students, we are constantly told by our older peers and professors that networking and connections could help us land new jobs and opportunities, so why does it feel like a nerve-wracking chore? Here’s the secret- it’s not you, but the patterns of your 35,000-year-old brain. Let’s decode why your brain sabotages you and how you can fix it by leveraging insights from psychology. 

Why does networking seem so daunting? 

Research suggests that some of it may boil down to evolutionary psychology. Walking into a room full of strangers doesn’t involve any physical danger, yet your body might react to it as if it does. The amygdala, a key brain structure involved in processing fear and threat, contains a threat detection system that is also sensitive to non-physical threats, such as stepping out of our comfort zones and facing potential social rejection.

A 2003 fMRI study conducted by Eisenberger showed that social exclusion activates the same neural pathways as physical pain, mimicking the response to tangible danger, creating emotional distress, anxiety, and even physiological responses, such as increased heart rate. For our ancestors, the absence of belonging meant a loss of protection and resources, such as an increased heart rate. For our ancestors, the absence of belonging meant a loss of protection and resources, resulting in the need to adapt to identify social threats, which served as a warning signal to maintain social bonds and adhere to group norms. However, today? A “no” just means try another inbox, with much lower stakes but the same amount of distress. 

Rewiring your networking experience 

Although this response is innate, we can consciously change these instincts through a few simple steps: 

1. Reframing your goals

Shift your focus from solely pitching yourself and collecting business cards to more intrinsically motivated goals, such as learning about others’ work or having more authentic conversations. High-pressure goals and acute stressors activate the amygdala, resulting in the release of the stress hormone cortisol and increased agitation before the event. By shifting your focus, you’ll feel lighter and more at ease. 

2. Prep yourself

Preparation combats the stress caused by networking, making you feel more mentally prepared to take them on by restoring a sense of control. Before entering an event, try practicing some deep breathing to calm your nerves by standing straight and counting steadily from 1 to 5 while breathing in and out. This simple act activates the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation by lowering heart rate and arousal levels. 

a. Creating strategic similarity

Before an event, take advantage of social media by scanning potential attendees’ LinkedIn profiles to get an idea of the content they interact with and their interests in bonding over potential shared affiliations. Utilizing code-switching and presenting your knowledge of these areas of interest also plays into the mere exposure effect, where people tend to develop a preference for certain things due to being familiar with them and having been exposed beforehand. 

b. Prepare openers… 

Practicing some informal openers or open-ended questions, such as “What brings you to this event?” or “What are you most excited about working on now?” can help alleviate the initial fear people may have to approach someone, presenting them with a well-thought-out question to get them thinking. Even saying a simple hello can help build some rapport rather than delivering an overprepared elevator pitch.

c. …And closers 

The ending of the conversation is also just as important- people get so anxious to make a good impression that they may drag out conversations for too long. Remember to keep an eye on the other’s body language for signs they want to move on and aim for short, memorable conversations. 

These simple tips helped me gather my thoughts before approaching professors and helped me feel more confident. 

3. Normalize awkwardness 

Ever replay a conversation 47 times in your head? That’s the spotlight effect in action, a psychological phenomenon where you may feel as if your behavior is observed under a microscope, leading individuals to feel incredibly self-conscious and anxious. However, in reality, the notion that “first impressions matter” is over-exaggerated and over-emphasized- people are often caught up in their own lives to notice everything, much less some awkwardness.  

4. Start small and leverage exposure

Avoid diving into high-stakes events and conferences immediately, and begin with low-stakes interactions such as casual university gatherings or workshops. Desensitization theory suggests that gradual, repeated exposure to certain situations or stimuli can reduce fear and nervousness. As a result, by repeatedly engaging in less intimidating situations, individuals can become accustomed to large social interactions, building confidence and developing coping skills such as deep breathing to make networking feel less daunting. Even if you’re attending a small event, aim to talk to a few people and broaden your horizons.

5. Follow up 

Reaching out to people sometime after the event with a warm message facilitates the process of staying in touch by showing your interest and gratitude. This also helps to extend the connection and suggest a follow-up meeting. 

Final Thoughts

Networking the right way comes naturally with practice, so don’t be harsh on yourself. Remember, networking isn’t an audition – it’s about collecting contacts and starting conversations. By understanding your brain’s threat response and using simple tools, you can transform dread into confidence.